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Army everywhere. What do you do when the man stroking your wife's bottom is a soldier with a gun who is casually discussing the weather?I have never felt so helpless as at that moment.Paula was very resilient. She soon decided that African men were horny, but no problem if 'treated right'. It is strange how you get accustomed to the way people behave. Rape was a serious risk for any white woman in Zambia. Whenever we went out I was always careful to check the mirrors to be sure we were not being followed back to our villa. I tried to drive home to Paula the constant risk. She made a game of it, found it amusing. Not just the behaviour of the African men, but also teasing me.Social life in Zambia went a long way to overcome the problems. On £17,500 we were incredibly wealthy by local standards. The company had only five expats in Lusaka. None of us were over 25, which came as a surprise, except Mr Keans who was in his 40's. We were all married. All of the other wives like Paula were. My breath is uneven, and I feel this turmoil in me. Because I want to kiss her again."Why? Why can't you... tell me?"She sighs, crossing to her bed and sitting on it, drawing her legs up under her. I sit gingerly on the edge of the bed. I can't be too close to her."You're my best friend Sam."I snort. "Am I?"She looks up, her eyes wide. And she looks scared. "Yes. You are." She says the words slowly and deliberately.And I feel my gut churn as I realise something. "Are you... are you doing this because I said I loved you? Because you think this is what I want?"A wave of frustration sweeps through me, and most of it's directed at myself. I feel myself working up into a frenzy."What, you have to put yourself up to this? To- to kissing me at night because you can't stand it during the day? Do you think this is what you have to do to keep me? To keep from losing me? This isn't what I want. I don't want you kissing me because you're scared I'm gonna run away."Carly leans forward and takes.
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