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I paid none of these women a dime, none of them wanted anything in return but companionship. I was shocked to see how many younger women I was able to communicate with.Sure I had the ones who ignored me, the ones who talked a bit then ghosted. But, I was able to find young women who desired an older, experienced man like myself. A man who is not a stud, but would give them the sex they craved. Most importantly, they found someone who was upfront and honest of his wants, without all the fuck-boy qualities attached to men their age.The first woman was Michelle. She is a 20-year-old Latina mix with a child. She was a single mom who just needed to get away, even for one night. We matched, talked, and met within the first week. I took her to a nice restaurant where she was treated to whatever her heart desired. We had a good conversation and laughed all night. It was pleasant to have such an enriching conversation with a young woman. Before dinner was through she asked what else I had. Putting the pieces of the puzzle together in the above order helped me to understand the accelerating momentum of the last few months. But it didn’t help me to still my mixed feelings of unease and excitement. It felt like I was hurtling down from a plane in that period before the parachute opens. When the air whistles past at two-hundred miles per hour and the parachutist enjoys the thrill, but also gazes at the thin material of the pull cord. Knowing that this chord and the spare are the only things separating him or her from life or death. A huge rush, but at the same time a huge vulnerability tied to a flimsy piece of thread.Maybe I was thinking a bit like a drama queen, but this is what I felt. And Sue’s love for me was that flimsy thread. The only thing stopping the thrill I’d enjoyed costing me a price my heart and soul couldn’t afford.Four months? Had it only been four months? I thought back over all the things that had happened. James. The dinner party which had kick-started.
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