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That led to double depression, as I thought about what I wasgoing to miss out on and about my lost baby. I couldn't handle theemotion, and luckily Pete was strong and I was able to cling to him.After two hours with the surgeon, I was again shuffled off, this time tohospital admissions. They had decided that there was no reason to wait,and scheduled surgery for the following morning. The balance of theafternoon was filled with more tests, more scans, and moreconsultations. I was comfortably set up in a hospital room, and Petewas by my side the entire time. Jessica came back, with Scott in tow,and both Peter and Jessica were shocked at how emotional Scott was aboutall this. He was a wreck, and had to leave the hospital room twiceduring their visit. 'If they only knew,' I thought, as I watched Scottstruggle to break the spell. He wanted to talk so badly. I hoped thathe'd think to go to Amy so that he could unload his emotions. 'He'sgoing to hate me,' I thought sadly.The rest. ~~ These odd thoughts still fill my brain when Im standing in line for hot lunch, but a voice interrupts them. Hey, are those boobs real? A kid smirks, eyes locked on my chest. Is he talking to me? Um, what? What a pathetic thought. Of course hes talking to me. Another kid steps closer. Yeah, howd you get your rack so big? My burning face scrunches up. I want to cry. Ew! Youre so nasty! Why would they ask this? They drift away, thank god, leaving me to cry into my hands. I dont really want todays beef stew special anymore. Come over here, Abby. Its my friend Kaitlyn! She motions me toward our table. Thanks so much, I sniff, taking a seat. Some guys were acting weird to me in line. Aw, that sucks, she says, followed by echoes of yeah from the rest of our friends. I smile and dry my eyes. Theyre so nice. They dont even care that Im strange, because they love taking pride in their own strangeness. That makes me feel safe. Im not alone. But a thought stops me. I am alone. Nobodys going.
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