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I hardly ever drink. It occurred to me right then, and I even said it out loud… ‘The only thing keeping me from being addicted to cocaine is that I’ve never had any.’ I thought about that while I walked back into the living room with my popcorn to finish my movie. I really think it’s right. I am screwed-up in the head, and only the Grace of God comes between me and being dead every day. There’s this song I like that says something about being a preacher’s daughter and not doing what ‘daddy taught her.’ I do everything my Daddy taught me, everything except deal drugs and beat my wives. If I drank often enough, I’d become and alcoholic. If I did try cocaine or heroine, I’d probably be hooked. I’ve cheated so much and lied so much about it that I can’t stop lying. Even while I’m doing it, I think to myself that I want to STOP, and I can’t even stop because I’m so mired down in it all that I couldn’t climb back up, no matter how much I want to. I’m spontaneous to the extreme, and that. I am taller thannormal, but he was a good five inches taller than I am. And up close, hewas even more masculine than I had realized. He was wearing a light bluegolf shirt, khaki shorts, and sandels - not unlike what I had on but myshirt was red and my shorts were dark green. I realized his shirt showedhis muscles quite well, and that his arms were extremely well muscled andwere covered with dark hair.I said, "No," and heard my voice break. "No," stronger this time, "it'sopen," and he slid into the seat. My heart was beating like crazy, and Iturned back to my drink. The bartender (a cute blonde) came over andasked what he wanted. I could tell she was flirting with him, and well, Icould not blame her. In a deep voice he ordered a Mojito and then he said- and another of whatever she's having. There was no one sitting on theother side and I realized he was referring to me!Gawd! I did not know what to do - I could feel myself blushing as,embarrassed, I turned to him and started.
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