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" YOU AREN'T WEARING UNDERWEAR?!" Stephanie exclaimed."No, it's restricting while I sleep." I say. She gives me a hard time (no pun intended) about it and said that it's really weird. Stephanie says, "It wouldn't be weird, I guess, if you find me attractive. Do you?" I don't know," I say, "I never really thought about it." Well do you think I'm pretty?" she said."Yeah, I mean you are very pretty. I see the guys you've brought home. I think it's pretty obvious you're hot," I say."You think I'm hot?!" she said as she turned around and the head of my dick fell into her belly button.I was initially scared but she didn't seem to mind. "Have you ever done anything with those guys?" I ask. She said no but she had fooled around. Then some of the light from the thunderstorm came in and I saw my sister in a whole new light. She was looking up at me with a seductress' eyes and I felt lost in my morals.She asked me what I had done with girls and I said, "nothing." She asked me if I have ever. I couldn't face the possibilities of her disappointment in me. As it turns out, I never did find the courage to tell her.It all goes back to the question of maintaining "face". After having been so universally disregarded and despised, and then having had things somewhat better when I'd reached adulthood, maintaining people's regard for me became all-important. I couldn't face the possibility of going back to that place where everyone thought I was kind of strange.It took me a long time to get over that. Long time? Yeah. I came out to a few people, privately, in the late 1980's. In the early 90's I got involved with a gender program in Milwaukee, went through all the sessions and groups and testing, and finally had a firm diagnosis (which, of course, only confirmed what I'd known all along).I was married at the time, something that in hindsight was a mistake. I was in love with her and she with me, but we both had issues, and in the late 90's things fell apart. Yes, she knew about my.
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