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As I drove among the congestion, I mused about life, my life.I was a poor girl, educated by Catholic nuns, was going to be one! It was on my way home from Notre Dame High School when he stopped me. He blocked the sidewalk as I walked home from my bus stop. I was, only sixteen, Asian, he five years older, white.He’s the first man I kissed.Engaged with parent’s acquiescence on my seventeenth birthday, I gave my underage marriage consent, for security, to escape a dysfunctional family, because I didn't know how to say no. Engaged, he assumed control, ensured my virginity on the altar. A year later, we married, I just turned eighteen, he twenty-three. I’ve never known another man. Now twenty-five, I’m meeting my first real date. I’m being me, at last. Conversing with myself between stoplights, I rewrote my personal history to justify meeting a man, not my husband.Approaching Michael’s restaurant in Sunnyvale, our meeting place, however, my rationalized confidence dissipated, replaced. I had been spending the majority of my time asLaShaunda now. Even for this, there was not much shock-factor left forbeing a black woman, but my new fears now were regarding James's massiveand pent-up sensations.I could go for days dressed as LaShaunda and barely think twice aboutit. When I went in to my son's rooms to clean them, it felt crazy tosee that they both had one full dresser each filled with bras, panties,tights, girls' slacks, and each of their closets had a section totallylined with dresses and ladies' shoes. It was also funny to see theirrooms filling up with more feminine furniture and accouterments; pinklampshades, vanities stocked with makeup and beauty products, and a rackof hair-care products and busts for wigs.If anyone visited our house, they would say "What the fuck..."The thing is that I am NOT gay. I am a totally heterosexual man, whofantasizes about and loves sexy women (especially sexy WHITE women).... I have had huge crushes on Anne Hathaway, Scarlett.
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