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I could feel the bite of the alcohol smothering my emotions along with the dull ache that crushed my chest in its vice like grip. Hank the bartender was standing in front of me drying a glass watching as I fought my pain in the best way I knew how. He had that look on his face that I had seen countless times before when he saw someone on the downward spiral into desolation and despair. This was a first for me. I had come close to it a few times but never this close. Hank sighed. "You won't find your answer there Joe."I pushed the empty glass towards him and snapped my fingers. "Maybe, maybe not. But I sure as hell am going to have fun trying. Make it a double for good luck." I hunched forward feeling the weight of loss getting heavier and heavier. Sure hoped Hank wasn't in a lecturing mood. Just the alcohol. The alcohol will do fine - for now.Too many people offering sage advice in one day to keep a man sane. Even Shawna - who should have known better. She had called at my apartment. Occasionally my sex experiences were enjoyable, but I and my sexual partners always had to be extra careful not to get caught. Most of the companies I worked for realised I was a conscienscious and loyal employee so on the rare times I got caught in embarrassing situations it was a telling off and transfer to another work place. I confess I Was caught more than once having sex while supposed to be working, but security was never compromised at the time and often it was more embarrassing for whomever caught me than for me or my sexual partner. I was assigned to a well known non english bank office block near Moorgate in 1982 and my job was second night guard with a supervisor in charge. Week nights were always hectic as the office received calls till 8pm when the main bank in Europe closed and we were kept busy answering phones and transferring calls to different people because the client was too tight to hire operators to work after 5pm when their shift,s finished. And we were.
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