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We agreed to take counseling and I committed myself to trying to make our marriage work. He swore was going to change jobs so that he would not be traveling all the time and, most importantly, we were talking about having another baby. I was very happy, and excited about trying to get back in touch with the man I loved and had married. I had gone off the pill and our sex life had exploded. We were acting like newlyweds again, hoping each time we made love that we would he would impregnate me.But before we could start over, I knew I had to call my black lover, to tell him that I could not see him again. He wanted us to meet at his apartment, but I had made up my mind he was not going to seduce me again with his touch and kisses. I insisted we go for a drive in the country, away from everyone and, most importantly, away from the temptation of an afternoon in his apartment.We parked at a hidden picnic area near a small stream and walked along the stream banks holding hands. I told him. . no effort... no strain... just a word... just say it... say it... is that so hard...??? so much to ask...???" and here calm and almost quiet begins to rise... soft tones replaced by deeper meaning... menace growing... a return to what was before and now... words clipped... the spaces between them more blinks than breaths and with my mouth still scant centimetres from her ear the torrent resumes... "this was supposed to be fun... this was supposed to be a good time... not just for you... a good time for us both... three fucking hours i spent on the motorway sitting in traffic watching k**s pick noses and ugly women sweat for this... THIS... i may as well be watching coronation street for all the fun i am having... fuck me but look at you... how fucking dumb was i to fall for your bullshit... you... another fucking chancer... another useless fucking cunt who thinks just because she can read it she can do it" ~crescendo now... full rant mode~ the word fuck being used not so much for.
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