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I guess that’s the problem. Don’t worry about it.”“I always worry about you. Now, tell me, what’s the big problem.”“Becky,” I said, my voice barely audible.“Steve Adams, did you have sex with that girl?” Kara asked, a look of horror on her face. “If you did, then I should just go home right now. That would be the single most self-destructive thing you could ever do!”“No! I didn’t. And I don’t want to! The problem, which Anala identified, is that I’m still in love with Becky, and that Becky, not Birgit, was the one, true love of my life. And until I resolve my feelings, I’ll be at risk for a relapse, if you will. Anala thinks, and Bethany agrees, that I was drowning myself in meaningless sex to try to suppress my feelings. They popped out from time to time, resulting in the pregnancy, a close call early during my senior year, then the incident where I cheated on you.”“DO you love her?” Kara asked.“I’m pretty sure that I do. I’ve been fighting that for years. Stephanie always called it. “A chore? I thought you enjoyed sex with me?”“I do … did. I used to love making love for hours with you – couldn’t wait for it. Now, I just think about all the things I am behind on and should be doing and can’t relax and get into it at all. I feel like I would need to rush through it once we started. I can’t clear my head of the kids, work, the house.”“You don’t even want to kiss me anymore though? You stopped sleeping naked,” I ask.“I would love kissing you, but kissing leads to sex, and I just can’t get into it. I want to hold you, kiss you, snuggle with you, but then the thought of sex enters my mind. I can’t explain why sex feels so exhausting to me now. I just can’t. And you stopped kissing me too.”“I stopped kissing you because it leads to you rejecting me and pushing me away. It hurts, Kira. I can’t take subjecting myself to constant rejection and am actually afraid to touch you now. I feel like I am walking on eggshells, and can’t touch my own wife.”“You started getting.
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