‘I guess it’s good-bye then,’ Matt had put a hand on her shoulder, just before getting into the car with a smug smile. ‘Yes,’ she had replied, praying to God she would not cry in front of him. At least not until his car was out of sight. What she wanted to say, was: ‘Please don’t go, Matt. I beg of you.’ But, those words never came out of her mouth, and she wouldn’t have let herself live if they had. All she knew now was that her life was worth nothing anymore, now that he was gone. And she was still trying to understand why. It was not that he had found anyone and fallen out of love with her that made him go. It was her. Just her. SHE wasn’t sexy enough. SHE didn’t light his fire. SHE failed on every level to make him happy. So, as a man he had to let her know. ‘I need to be free. To meet more women. To have sex. You know, I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore and I want that in my life,’ he told her one day during dinner. Just like that! It’s was too hard a blow. Just. When the first video played the laptop was at full volume and the output sounded very much like somebody having an orgasm. She quickly turned the volume down and plugged in her earphones. I watched her several times during the morning and saw her face going red on several occasions and at times she was unable to sit still on her seat. She was so absorbed in what she was doing it wasn’t until early afternoon she realised we had missed lunch. Not until early evening did Jean close down the laptop. She didn’t tell me what she had been watching other than to say she liked some of the beach videos.The next morning the sun came out and Jean suggested we walk inland having planned a route on the map. She packed the rucksack and was wearing a fleece and a skirt when she went to go out the door. I pointed out that a skirt was not a sensible thing to wear as there might be nettles along the way and she waved a walking pole at me saying that she would use it to push back nettles if needed.The.
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