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That was the first indication I had of any other relationships.She agreed to go out with me again so I told her that next time I expected to be invited in. I also ordered her to have some vanilla ice cream.I brought along a good liqueur to dress up the ice cream. She had several helpings which I had liberally dosed and seemed to be getting a little bit giddy. I had learned that she rarely drank. That night I got a little kiss and hug before I left.Time to change up the game a little so I invited her to my place for dinner that I would prepare. I kept her wine glass full and it definitely affected her. When we moved to the couch and I started up a chick flick, I sat close to her and got no objection when putting my arm over her shoulder. During the sad part she snuggled up to me and finally during the romantically sexy part, I bent over and kissed her.She seemed to be struggling with something but got right through it and started kissing me back harder and harder. My hands strayed to. We all have parts of our bodies we wish looked better. we all look in the mirror at night and ask why we’re here. what’s so special, unique about one man and his tattooed arm?…a girl in pink panties lying on our bedroom floor telling us her life story in deadly detail? not much. when i think about love, how people do it, give it and lose it, i am amazed at my insight. not just into the topic, but insight into myself. i am cold, even deep down. for whatever reason, i am so abrasive and nonchalant when it comes to expressing my emotions to another person. passion, art, fucking, fighting…all of those things i practice at a white hot level of fever. but love, no. my love is not giving or kind or non-judgmental or easy. in fact, this frightening love, the ‘fear of losing something that means everything’, i don’t understand. have i reduced my life to a pit of burden over it? not really, no. you see, i like my tea hot. i hate iced tea with that sticky southern sweetness and harsh, bitter.
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