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...damn commies.The Sound Effect DumpYou feel a noisy one coming on but relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot. So, you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is of the essence. At the precise moment of release, try the following: 1. Flush the toilet 2. Drop loose change on the floor, 3. Sing the first two stanzas of your favorite opera.The Cling-On DumpYou've finished but there's one damn morsel that refuses to drop. You grip the seat with both hands and wriggle. You twist and pump but the little bastard just hands there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the water below. If only you had some scissors.......The Whole Roll DumpNo matter how much you wipe, it just isn't enough. You blow the whole roll and have to flush at least a dozen times. The whole episode is consumer waste. Eventually if your toilet paper runs into minimal supply anything will do, towels, wash clothes, carpet, walls,. No one wanted to put a damper on the celebratory mood. I couldn'tsay no at that point, without being a party pooper, so I did the works.I carefully applied my lip liner, and then the lip gloss. I have to say,my lips looked fabulous! Now the girls, who were a little tipsy from thewine, were whooping and hollering a little, telling me how sexy my lipslooked. Melissa said, "Honey, I am borrowing your son and taking himwith me next time I need makeup. He has exquisite taste!"Someone raised their wine glass and said, "To Bobby!" At this pointeveryone was getting a little silly, and someone giggled and said, "Isthat Bobby with a 'y' or an 'I'?"I did not think that was very funny, but everyone else was cracking up.The rest of the lunch was fun, but I will admit that I was a littledistracted. I started playing things over in my mind. Yes, I had toadmit that there had been times over the years when it looked like mythings, especially my pantyhose and stockings, did not look exactly.
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