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"Yeah, I guess I do." She looked up at me, "My Psych professor would say 'we got carried away by the moment'" Psych professor? I thought you were music and computers." Web design stuff – 'Psychology of Marketing', one of the electives. It's all about how to trigger and recognize impulse buying. Now I'm wondering if that's what we're doing." Having second thoughts?" When she hesitated, then gave an almost imperceptible nod, I sighed and said "Me too." Not exactly second thoughts, Rob, just wondering if we're getting ahead of ourselves. I don't want to do anything that would hurt either of us. And it's scary." We just sat there for a few minutes, neither of us wanting to break the silence. Then, "I guess we shouldn't order those chocolate doubloon thingies just yet." I couldn't help it, I started chuckling again, and she gave a nervous giggle that almost sounded like a giggle. "Are you mad at me?" No, little one, I'm not mad." I hugged her again. "We've got plenty of time to find out. I knew at the same time that she never would but nobody came close, nobody else mattered in that way. Oh, of course I had had people to share my bed, to fuck, but that’s all it was. They always disappointed, always fell short. Only Jess would do. I smoked another cigarette then, feeling extremely silly and embarrassed walked slowly back towards the hotel. Tippi was standing on the path, the sun behind her and through the soft white cotton of her long skirt her legs were shadows. I couldn’t see her face. ‘I feel such a twat.’ She slipped her arm through mine and we walked like that towards the house. ‘We all knew how you felt about her. We always knew.’ I nodded, was that all I was capable of doing? Tippi stopped, restraining me with her gentle grip on my arm and turned me to face her. ‘You cant help how you feel. Nothing hurts like unrequited love but yours wasn’t unrequited, just unrealistic. She’s straight and always will be.’ She wiped a tear from my face with her finger and then.
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