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I know she loves me, so, she'd probably just be real disappointed in me. It's a situation I'd like to avoid.I can't help but fantasize, however, about having other men ravish her. I get jealous, but also turned on. I'm quite thorough in clearing my search history so she doesn't find where I've been, not since she found out about my short hair fetish-- though, that turned out for the better, since she's kept it short ever since. She teased me for months, though. I've happened upon her searching up porn once too, and-- this only adds fuel to the cuckolding fire.She was searching up big, strong men with big dicks. Obviously it was gay porn, so it's a little less relevant, but, in her search tags, "Big dick", "Huge dick", and "Big black cock" were often used. All are things I don't have, but other men do. I'm at a bit of an impasse with myself. I want to see if I can take a step into my fetishistic dreams, but also know that fantasy and reality often don't blend well.She's at her. I groaned and tried to go back to sleep.Some time had passed now after Liira's arrival, and I had settled into a routine. During the night, I would have mind-blowing sex with my mother's body, and during the day I would do everything I could think of to avoid her. I was still weirded out by the prospect of enjoying my night-time trysts, but the biggest problem for me was that Liira had managed to instil a Pavlovian response in me. Whenever I was in close physical proximity to my mother's body, I would begin to bar up in preparation for sex. I can't even tell you how bad it was to be in a car with her, desperately trying to hide my state. She'd spotted what was going on once. Her embarrassed cough and the way she pointedly ignored the subject at hand had been bad enough even then; I had no desire to repeat the experience. I could tell that my sudden emotional withdrawal had hurt my mother, but I couldn't be close to her without it doing my head in, so I took to spending every hour of.
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