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"I'm not the same as those boys in there any more, Taylor. I've learned so much more... experienced so much more." She wasn't sure whether to stay or run as he moved next to her. "I've learned what women like... what they want." You make it sound as if you've become..." I have," he interrupted. "I'm not bragging Taylor, it's just that I've have the opportunity to find out what turns women on." And that would be?" she asked, her breath getting shorter by the moment."Touch for one thing," he said, gently reaching out and stroking her cheek with the back of his hand.Despite herself, Taylor's eyes closed as she savored the moment and her temperature climbed."You're a beautiful girl Taylor. How many of those boys out there have even worked up the courage to tell you that?" Well..." she stammered."None! Because while they may realize how beautiful you are, they haven't the courage to tell you so and they certainly wouldn't know how to show it." I kissed a boy once -- Johnny Mason," she. I suppose it brings a bit of interest and excitement, but not of the sort I'd really like.It's hard, knowing you'll never be normal. Never be happy. I'm going to live my entire life inside this cage, and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it at all.***I don't go out Friday night (where would I go?), so I stay in and watch the television. After about an hour I switch it off in anger; I can't stop feeling jealous towards the women on TV.***I wake up Saturday morning feeling a little better. I check the cuts on my right arm (on the upper arm, from Thursday - I'd cut high up to avoid detection - and on the forearm, from last night - stupid, deep cuts) realising belatedly that last night was not a good idea if I want to keep everyone in the dark about my cutting. I slip on my dressing gown and go to the bathroom to wash the cuts. I vaguely hear the phone ringing.It turns out it's for me. This is by way of being a calendar event anyway. Wondering who the hell it could be I trot.
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