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I wanted to be Charlotte all the time. "After a few more months I turned sixteen. Terri and Jean were datingand we would all get together and chat about their dates. I started torealize I wasn't interested in dating guys, I would listen to them talkabout kissing the guy, getting felt up, or touching the guy and I waslike, uh, no way. So next was to consider girls, me wanting to be withthem and how would I feel about that. In truth I wasn't sure. Terri andJean were friends. It never occurred to me or to them that we mightdate. It would be too weird. There were girls at school but aside fromTerri and Jean I didn't really have friends at school. But I found I wasok with that, as long I as could be Charlotte, I was happy."The three of us decided to attend college here. It was rough startingout living in the dorm but I managed. Eventually I got to where I couldafford an apartment. It isn't much but it works for me. I also startedcollecting my own wardrobe for Charlotte. Terri and Jean. Does she want you? Leah said silently.Yes, but as a lark, a fling while she's visiting, I said with a thought. Out loud, I said, "I like Loni; I don't like Zane." Zane?" The name she uses when she models." Ah, now I know why she looked so familiar. I remembered her when you said her professional name. Zane is very distinctive. Her beautiful face once graced the cover of Vogue. Are you saying that Loni and Zane are like two different women?" I am. Loni is like the girl next door. Zane is an icon, the supermodel, a woman who uses men and has been abused by them. When she's Loni, her thoughts are fresh and clean. When she's Zane, she's hard, manipulative, and her thoughts are dark and foreboding." How have men abused her?" I don't know. Her thoughts as Zane imply the abuse without addressing specifics. When she's Loni, the implications disappear. Sometime soon, Loni will defend her dissertation. She'll become a psychologist, specializing in counseling and plans to set up a practice to.
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