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As a result, I jacked off constantly. If I jerked it less than four times a day, something was wrong. I always seemed to find time to blow that load SOMEWHERE. And that also meant that the moment I went to sleep every day – ping! Up came the morning wood. Or in my case, the mid-day-nap wood, or the passing-out-on-the-couch-while-watching-The-Simpsons wood… whatever you may call it. I tried to avoid taking naps in public areas because it could and would happen. And additionally, let’s just say that when such nocturnal how-do-ya-do’s do take place, there’s no hiding it. I knew that I wasn’t small down there. In fact, thanks to a solid education from my dad’s porn stash (this tale takes place in the early days of the Internet, so internet porn wasn’t as widespread), I knew that I had the biggest cock I had ever heard of or seen. If you put me up against a solid 12-inch ruler, it was almost a perfect fit. At my hardest and thickest, I was always about a 1/4-inch shy of the 12-inch mark. I think I got rather tiddly, she said, I hope I didn't disgrace myself. Well, you certainly put away an amazing quantity of booze, I said, but I have no complaints about the effect it had on you. She looked at me strangely and then looked away. If she does remember anything, I thought, it doesn't look like she's going to say anything about it, that's an encouraging sign. Emboldened, I said: drink up and I'll get you another one, you must be very dehydrated, it will prevent you getting a headache. She did as she was told, and I went and got her another glass; by this time I was well into the second bottle. When I gave her the glass she asked: what is this anyway? I thought she had had enough to be told the truth, so I said: sparkling wine. She raised her eyebrows, but didn't protest. I thought I was starting to get a bit light-headed, she said. Well don't stand there like a butler, she continued, come and give your mum a little cuddle like you used to when you were a boy,.
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