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He attempted to help where he could, but when he played netball, he couldn’t help trying (badly) to dribble the ball. He introduced a small group to touch rugby – carefully avoiding playing himself; aware as he was that he was under the baleful eye of the man-eating alligator. She hadn’t seen Sandie go in or out of his room, but he was convinced she knew it had happened. Somehow, she seemed to know everything.The nature walk was fun as he knew absolutely nothing about any of the animals or plants they saw. “That plant is one of the most narcotic plants in North America, the Native Americans used to smoke it to get high”“Actually that is an introduced weed from Europe which spread from gardens. It is totally harmless”“That’s roughly what I said. Anyway, have you smoked it? Well then, it might get you high, who can say?”The girls quickly realised he knew nothing and started asking him questions deliberately “Ah yes, that bird is most unusual. It was much more common in the 1960s because. I started her list off, "Madonna's conical bra". Now I expected her to smile sweetly, roll her eyes, totally ignore my contribution and move on to the next victim. She did not do so; in fact she literally gushed, saying "A wonderful start to our list Sebastian" and wrote it up at the top of the blackboard. As teacher moved from victim to victim the list grew into something more akin to a tentacle demon. Luckily teacher began a hatchet job on said list, leaving fifteen items most of which had no obvious connections. She did of course leave in Alice's fopar '3 poufs and a piano'. Alice of course meant 4 poufs and a piano, the current Jonathan Ross shows resident group but I suppose at 79yrs of age the odd mistake is acceptable.Teacher spent the last few minutes of the lesson explaining there would be ceiling of 2500 words and the said story would be worth 20% of our grade certificate and on that bombshell she sent us on our way with no chance to complain about the list. I went home from.
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