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One night I was out with a buddy on the piss as usual, now he was really useless at pulling not that I am fantastic but he would always open his mouth and stick his foot in it. There was these two females over to one side both of them giving the eye but I kept my distance other than look across and smile very quick I might add. My buddy said " I need a pee" whoopee I thought there was a queue at the door way five minuets at least. In for the kill went over to the two and just said "Hello" as one does, unless your daft, let the female do the yapping. In the words of the Meer cats SIMPLE I got off with both of them no probs. My buddy came back so I palmed him off with one not being greedy. I suppose I could have been thinking about it.2nd big fuck up I took one back to my flat. 3rd big fuck up I fucked her senseless.4th big fuck up she left her husband for me. Mind you she only lived in the same house as she told me. I was her escape route I suppose. 5th big fuck up I got a house and. “Well, how was that, doc?”“Hmmm! 26 seconds, alright open wide.” He swallowed the medication and took off like a 100 metre sprinter, down the stairs almost ripping the handrail off the wall, across the pavement, across the street causing a taxi to swerve violently and into the toilet.The doc was watching and timing this, 25 seconds, he’ll be O.k. He thought and went back to work.About half an hour later, there was a knock on the door and the guy came in absolutely covered in shit, “have you got a penny in exchange for two half penny’s?”Paddy and Mick were looking for work when they saw a sign saying help wanted. Going in they asked about getting a job.The boss said I’ll need to ask a couple of questions to see if you’ll fit in.So he takes Paddy into another room and asks “if I stuck my finger in one of your eyes. What would be?”“Why! I’d be half blind, sur.”“O.k. If I took two fingers and stuck them in both your eyes, what would be?”“I’d be totally blind, sur.”“Good, good, you’ve got.
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