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By that time, the text messaging with Tony had dropped off. He didn't send me a birthday wish, the fuck. Well, we were both really busy in school, even though Tony complained a lot. He was getting a little depressing.Then, suddenly I realized Barbara and I were holding hands when we walked to class and kissing when we said goodnight. By Christmas we were lovers and I was giving and getting more sex than I thought possible. We switched things around when we got back for Winter Session and roomed together. We stayed that way until they kicked us out of the dorms on Memorial Day.Barbara said she thought I was a College Lesbian and that I'd go back to boys now that my body image was better. She broke up with me at the airport.aroslav: Was she right?BETH: I don't know. I don't think so. I like girls. In fact, I'd have to say I mostly like girls. I'm not repulsed by boys, though. It certainly didn't bother me any to kiss Tony this summer or when he ... um ... touched me. And I've had. She wanted me to think of her as a friend, not as a girl, so my feelings for her towards that end were...extra, unimportant. Make no mistake. I knew that Kris didn't mean to hurt me, wouldn't have said those things for the world had she known the effect they ended up having on me. But that didn't lessen the pain one iota. That's when I began to understand what role I was going to play in the lives of all my female friends. I was always going to be the best friend, the surrogate big brother. They would take the flattery I offered in the spirit in which they thought it was intended, that of a friend who was 'required' to say such things. On that warm fall night, that scent of sweat and moisture that seems to be in every school gym in the world filling my nostrils, the sounds of the band pulsing against my eardrums, I watched silently for almost ten minutes as Kris flirted with Billy. She laughed at his jokes and tossed her hair, and even went so far as to scuff the toe of her shoe back.
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