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The words scorched through my brain, but they had no meaning. They were just sounds, noises I had once heard.Calm Relax. Quiet. The words held no power over me. There was no center for me to find because there was no me. I had finally lost it. I was no longer in charge of the asylum.CALM. RELAX. QUIET. I was hanging on those words, trying to imbue them with meaning. I needed them. I needed them as an anchor to a world that just plain wasn't making sense any longer. I needed them to find myself because I had lost me somewhere along the way.CALM! RELAX! QUIET! I let those sounds fill me. I let the meaning of those sounds suffuse me. Not the fucking meaning you can find in a dictionary; their meaning to ME. I let them anchor me in the storm of emotion going through me. I wrapped them around me, letting them calm me. The black rage that was boiling in the pit of my stomach like bile, seeking a way out, trying to own me yet again. That would not do. I needed this, the center of the. "There it is again!" she said suddenly, causing me to gasp."Wh-what?" I said, slightly dizzy with the alcohol and the late hour."You keep looking at me," she replied, narrowing her eyes suspiciously."What do you mean?" You keep looking at my legs and feet," she said with mock accusation. "That's not true!" I spat, shaking my head. Without thinking, my gaze fell to her toes, distracted by the way she kept flexing them back and forth, stretching the thin material of her black pantyhose. Each painted jewel seemed to dance with a hypnotic rhythm that held my focus as they rippled back and forth.She snorted through her nose. "I mean, you're doing it right now," she said with a tone that was half annoyance, half amusement.I sighed. "I-I guess," I began, realizing with a dawning recognition of the blatantly obvious that she was right. "I don't know what's wrong with me..."But I did know, though the admission was shocking to me. All night long I'd been sneaking glimpses of my friend's long.
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