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Secret love that I knew could never be.For that, in truth, was what I felt; I loved him. And not in the manner of a normal mother, oh, no! In the manner of a woman and a man. I wanted him to protect me as I cared for him, to warm my bed, to prove his love for me on my body. I lost count of how many times I had sobbed myself to sleep knowing the impossibility of my dreams, or tried to work it out of my system by masturbating and imagining I was with someone, anyone else. It never worked, though; my thoughts always returned to Brandon, muscles rippling powerfully as he vanquished anything that threatened me.After a few sessions with the counsellor that had not helped- and how could they, for I lied to her about the cause of my stress- she suggested that I try writing down my feelings and thoughts, then burn the letter to myself, symbolically ending that chapter of my life. She claimed it was a powerful tool, that organising my jumbled mind and emotions then destroying them would be. I just couldn't resist making him twist in the wind just a bit longer.I turned and went toward the bedroom to get some sleep. I stopped and turned toward Rob and noticed that he had sat down. He had his head in his hands. It appeared the he was starting to cry. That made me feel good.The next two weeks went pretty quickly. Rob was around more because school was still out. That meant that he was spending more time with the kids. He was also still trying to win me over, but I was still making him squirm quite a bit.Jen was back to work, so I also was starting to work the afternoon shift every couple weeks. It was nice to be able to sleep at night for a change. It would have been better if Rob was here cuddling me at the same time.The third week of January meant that Rob was back to school again. That would keep him too busy to bother me. I was really starting to feel lonely. I wanted Rob's arms around me so much. It was getting more difficult everyday going to bed without him. Even.
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