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. at last, he moved the strange things into the water and connected them into one large piece. He examined it (for flaws, I sensed), and then invited me onto it. There was a part near the end furthest from the land, which was partly open to water... ... after a little hesitation, and some coaxing from me, she figured it out, swam under the dock, and popped up in the corral, beaching herself in the "hot tub" end. It was like one of those dolphin shows at an aquarium, where they finish by beaching into a shallow area and taking a bow. "That's my girl," I told her, patting her gently. "This is just for you and me..." ... and as I swam into it, I understood ... this was a body-holder for both of us at once! It gave us a smooth ledge which I could swim up onto, yet he could also rest on it beside me. He told me this, in his soft voice, but I already knew, from his thoughts. This was his plan, to make a place for us to be together more easily. Joy leapt in me, as it all made sense ... and. What I had done, in savingmy life, was change my child into a girl who to the world would seemlike a boy. It is not impossible; it happens sometimes, althought it israre. I raised you as a son. I tried to hold off the day when the finaldecision would be made, whether to be a girl or a boy. The operationwould be bloody and risky, especially for a young child, So I kept onpostponing it. Liz wanted me to let you know, and make a choice earlyon, but I kept remembering my husband's smile, and how much it had meantto him to have his, "little Butch", I was also lonely for him, and usedyou and your name and your supposed masculinity as a substitute, alittle Butch to make up for the big Butch I had lost."As you got older the time for making a decision got nearer, whether andwhen to tell you eveything...you were more able to face the necessaryoperations without severe consequences...as the usual time for pubertybegan, we had a chance to steer you one way or the other, the chancepresented.
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