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I want you to be honest about this," I said. Though I wasn't entirely sure just how to explain how I was feeling as I pondered her answer to my question. Anger wasn't exactly what I was feeling. Perhaps a better word to describe my initial reaction would have been a slight feeling of 'uncertainty', and maybe even 'wistfulness,' but definitely not anger, or even jealousy. My emotions were all over the place, but behind it all there was an underlying feeling of...excitement; but it was a strange, even 'bitter/sweet', sort of excitement. There was also a sense of something having changed in my relationship with my wife; something like a line, over which once it's been crossed, can't be undone; something permanent; irrevocable."How is Duane better than me?" I asked.There was a slight pause from her, but then she said: "Okay, look. I love you. Okay? I do. I'm not just saying that. But, Duane is just a better lover. I mean," and there was another slight pause before she went on, "he's got. Mum and Dad had decided to make things moreeasy for me by fully embracing their temporary daughter. That was notdifficult for Mum. She made no pretense at missing Brett. She'd alwayswanted a daughter and now she had one. But Dad! He was the surprise. Ithought he was going to kill me when I told him that I was temporarilygoing to be a girl. Now, twelve months later he was treating me as adaughter, even calling me kitten and giving me hugs all of the time. Itwas weird and upsetting. They had re-decorated my room into a girlyretreat. Pink walls and lacy pastel drapes. A large canopy bed withsatin sheets and covers; even a make-up table to boot! My brother Derekcouldn't get over his trip to visit me in Paris and all of thegirlfriends he'd made because of me. He wanted me to go back to being amodel.In a month's time I would be starting my job assignment as a paralegalsecretary in Janet's chambers near the big London law courts. Since Iwould be living here at home I had to pretend to be.
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