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It seems like too much trouble. I discard all thought of change. I eat, drink, weep, and provide a receptacle for men who are doing the same. Sometimes I can get up enough energy to watch TV. I never remember afterwards what I have seen. News, old movies, documentaries, soap operas all leave no impression on me. Even the commercials don't bother me much. Somehow I get through the winter. I have my meals delivered. Drinking alone is easier than going out. Nobody would want me. I will never be a real woman. Spring arrives tentatively. At last one day I notice myself in the full-length mirror. I haven't wanted to see myself. I look appalling. My housedress is dirty and torn. I don't remember buying it. It is ugly. My hair is a tangled mess of uncompelled knots. I haven't even bathed in several days. I stink of old sweat and alcohol. I am a disgrace. My eyes have trouble focusing on myself. A powerful shudder of horror runs through me. I decide to straighten up. As a first step I stop. " Terry..." Terry, nothing. This is a new TERRY rule. Don't ever come into my bed after having been with one of your fuck toys. I do mean NEVER." I was sitting here all night feeling sorry for myself, missing you but I'm not going to put up with you coming in here smelling like that guy." Do we understand each other?" Try this again and I'll call the whole bloody thing off. I'm very tempted to do it right now. Better get out and leave me be."Muttering under her breath Clarissa left my rooms, slamming the door behind her.I was too worked up to go back to sleep so I grabbed a snifter and the trusty cognac bottle. I was really tempted to get drunk but I knew from experience that I would feel worth in the morning than I did right now.I turned on the TV, found some old western and eventually fell asleep in my chair.I woke up at the regular time, no hangover but a bit stiff. Well a nice long hot shower took care of that.I was having my breakfast when I felt naked boobs circling my neck..
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