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I know my pain was self-inflicted, but it would be all my own fault this time. I chided myself for being such an old fool, especially as Mary had warned me at the outset not to fall in love with her.I know why she warned me, but who can really help having any significant influence over how we feel about someone special who has drifted into one’s life only to be snatched back again in the realities of the different lives we lead?I tried my hardest to be brave, to straighten my back, hold my head high and cheerfully wave her on her way home with God speed.I tried, but at the end I was left confused and heartbroken.Now she’d gone and I was alone once more, my shoulders slipped into a slump of depression that I had fallen into and I felt wearied by the effort of simply going on, however much I knew I had to. We both of us had obligations which kept us each side of an ocean.She had slipped a brown envelope into the inside pocket of my jacket, I had noticed, immediately before we embraced. It had made her even angrier. She had given him a piece of her mind, and as she had felt the fury and seen his fear, she had become aware of another sensation deep inside of her. A thrill which made her realize that, as angry as she was, she also enjoyed wielding her power over him. Strange, perhaps, and maybe even worrisome, but there it was.It had happened more than once too. She had felt it when she denied some of his requests, and she had felt it when she told him to pick up the joint from underneath the table. Oh, and she had certainly felt it when he had said those stupid, misogynistic things and they had ended up wrestling in the grass. At first, she had just played with him, confident that she could easily beat him. But when he had gone out of line and tried to trick her, she had felt her anger rise and with it came that strange thrill that made her want to dominate him. He had given in almost right away though, tapping out like a scared little kid, and that’s when it had hit.
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