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”Jackie smiled at my admission, “Her letter did not explain what jerks boys are. She did not tell me that I would not want to have sex with any of them, and if I did have sex with one, I would be labeled a tramp.”The wine had certainly loosened Jackie’s tongue as we had never spoken openly about sex before.I decided to try and give some parental advice, “One day you will meet a boy that you really like and you’ll want to have sex with him. No matter how badly you want to sleep with him or how much he pressures you, you should only sleep with him after months. That way no one will call you a slut. If he only wants you for sex, then he will move on before the three months are up.”“Mom explained that, but that means I’m going to be a virgin for years to come. I can’t see any of the boys I know waiting three months.”“I think you are exaggerating,” I said. “But even if you do wait years. Making love to someone who loves you will be so much better than meaningless sex with someone who does. I woke up to a rude reality; I wanted an underage girl ... desperately, passionately wanted her.Over coffee at breakfast I struggled with myself. For three consecutive days I'd taken Keira out for the day. We'd talked and done no more than hold hands. I hadn't even kissed her. The power of my dream, its intensity, and the desire I'd experienced, were warning bells. If I was this enamored with her after holding her hand and just being with her, what would happen if I kissed her? I couldn't ignore that she was underaged and, based on my reactions, there was a big chance I might not care if I ever actually kissed her. I was teetering even now.I envisioned the embarrassment I'd feel if our developing relationship was revealed, my co-workers disapproval, my mother's disappointment, Keira's family's disgust. The fact that those thoughts didn't bother me was an indication of how smitten I was. It had to stop. It might be as hard as kicking a cocaine habit but I had to stop. There was too.
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