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I think about Dylan’s bald head and how Egan has always had his awkward ear-length hair, how Shannon is always about 10 lbs heavy, according to her. She can eat as little or much as she wishes and it won’t change, except by one day’s worth. What would it be like to grow old like this, to be strapped into that bed, repeating like this?I wait for a few repeats, maybe a dozen before I go back but stop at a newsstand on the way. His reaction is the same. We do our ritual ... my ritual anyway. I feign shock. I’m good at it. Hell, we all are. We could win fucking Academy Awards since we act out scripts every day.“Magazines, oh, yes, I have some! I always pick some up just in case someone wants something to read.” I pull out Popular Mechanics, Men’s Health, and The Outdoorsman. He looked at each thoughtfully but easily settled on Popular Mechanics. As I was about to leave he said, “Ah if you come back...”“Probably next week but I will, yeah.”“I always liked lifestyle magazines, you know. Well, last night I was Gordon Ramsay. I was about to give the Kitchen Nightmares treatment to a lady chef. I already had my shirt off as I strode into her large kitchen, resplendent with metres and metres of sparkling aluminium surfaces. There she was washing vegetables at the sink. All she was wearing was an apron. And she had the most gorgeous arse I'd ever seen, round and pert and gloriously pink. She had the figure of a fifties sex goddess, from her broad shoulders to her womanly hips and fleshy legs which tapered down to exquisitely well-turned ankles. She slowly turned to face me. It was Nigella Lawson. "I've been dying to poke around your pantry, Nigella," I told her. "You think you're such a rogue, don't you Gordon?" she scolded me playfully, a naughty twinkle in her eye. "But you're really just a boorish brute. Jamie is much nicer. And cuter. Even if I can really spank his bottom when it comes to cooking." "What are you trying to make?" I asked, shaking my head as I.
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