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My weight had always stayed between 230-240 pounds, but I had held my thirty two waist. Now my pants were a big snug and I knew it was time to get back into a routine.The following Monday, I started back at the gym full time and it felt good to be exercising again. After a few days, I was back into a full time routine. I received several calls about New Year’s celebrations but I had decided to spend a quiet evening at home. I just wasn’t up to being around a bunch of people drinking and cutting up.It was Friday, New Year’s Eve was tomorrow, we were wrapping up work until the second of January. I was the last to leave at around six that evening. I stopped at the grocery on the way home, picked up a few things, headed home. I put away the groceries, took a long hot shower and settled in to relax. Around eight that night, I got a call from Jennifer wishing me a Happy New Year. I responded in kind to her, we chatted a bit, then said goodnight. I found it strange that she kept calling me,. It was my fault and I had to let him know how sorry I was. I had to tell him that it was never anything he did that caused me to do something so stupid and so selfish. God, how selfish was I? Even now when I remember the way I was thinking back then, it makes me sick to my stomach. Sick and miserable.I wonder what he thinks about me now? Or, if he even does think of me. And did he think of me during all those years? Like I thought of him? How many nights did he fall asleep, his hands holding his erection, wishing it were my hand holding him? As many as I did, using my fingers to ease the pain I felt from not having his body on mine, his hardness inside me where it belonged? All those years lost, the nights we could have been together, making love like we did before it all went to hell. Before I destroyed it all with my stupidity.And what made it even worse for me was that the last man inside me, the last man to have my body wasn't even my husband! It was Hugo! The man that I let.
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