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She just remembers hearing someone screaming for help and running into my room and hitting the ‘Alert’ call button.’ She looked at her watch and realized that she’d been speaking now for thirty minutes. She only had another twenty minutes to go, then she could sit down. Her new prosthetic leg was beginning to throb and itch her stump, she was still getting used to it and standing for this length of time was difficult. The podium was too flimsy for her to lean on so she had to endure it on her own. ‘I did my first step sitting in that courtroom, ‘We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable,’ when I gave up, quit fighting and told my dad ‘I can’t go on like this,” she said. ‘My second step, ‘Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity’ was when I was given a choice, go to treatment or go to prison and I was lucid enough to say I wanted to go to treatment.’ She glanced at her watch again and gritted her teeth,. She is close, she is mine, she loves me and she will make it all right. A slender frame of hope, an angel in my arms. Guide me. Bring me back. Ancient floorboards creak as she stands up. I notice smells, vanilla, perfume, coffee. Yes, these are the fragrances of my universe. They are in the room, in her hair, on her hands. I put her delicate palm to my face and breathe, inhale memories and notions. Still scattered, still without a name and direction. But they are right, true, me. She smiles and pulls me up. ‘Ring any bells?’ she says and bring me close again. ‘Small ones, far away.’ It’s the first thing I’ve said, the only words I can remember having ever spoken. They seem too small for the occasion. ‘I remember…that I love you.’ Her response is a gleam, a diamond sparkle in her eyes. ‘Good. And remember that I love you too. Remember that, and don’t hold back.’ ‘Hold back?’ ‘Yes. Don’t. Are you afraid of me?’ I shake my head no. Not of her. ‘Are you shy?’ Another no. ‘Then why don’t.
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