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After all, how can one find fulfillment with something that is not there? She pressed her head to the mattress, the silk of the sheet soothing her cheek was a poor substitute for the imprint left behind from last night. She could still smell him there. The scent of his hair on the pillow, the smell of sweat and skin on the sheets, the tinge of his essence on her own body, it was enough to drive anyone out of their mind. Would she see him again? She was sure there would be another time. The torment of the whole mystery was that she could never really tell him goodbye. In his presence she had to be cold-hearted. It was self-preservation. He never took her seriously, he just expected her to always be there. It was enough to make her feel hollow inside. She needed him so she could breathe, but feared that he poisoned her with each breath. How could a man do this? Did he even know that he was killing her, slowly, a little every time? Of course he didn’t know. He only knew his own. ” “You run your tests tomorrow and I will begin to think about it.... I and I alone.” We talked late into the night till the nurse came in and told me I would have to leave. I told Erica about Buck she told me she had a dog when she was young and she missed it. I kissed her good night and realized it had been trying on her. I stepped into the hallway and found Donald asleep in a chair. I woke him and asked what he was doing here. He reminded me I didn't have a car here it was at the hanger. I thought so is Buck. Donald dropped me at the hanger, Buck was glad to see me I knew I couldn't take him to the hotel. I walked him out back on our small patch of grass where he could take care of business. I didn't feel like leaving him alone so I curled up on the Hanger office floor I used a parachute for a pillow and wrapped up in a blanket Buck curled up to me so I was quite comfortable. I woke during the night and thought about what could be facing me. I also thought of the times I was.
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