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Several of the other dancers were up in arms about her. She needed money so bad she was ‘secretly’ discounting her table dances from the usual $20/song rate and letting herself be touched freely. With the last word of her sentence still ringing in my ears, I finally faced how the younger women see me. I was looking for a friend and companion. I was not thinking in terms of having to pay a young woman to pretend to be my friend. I’m sure there are a few women who like to be with older men, but ‘few’ is the main word in that sentence. Being well schooled in business, the 80/20 rule is part of all my logic. My sexually fogged thinking cleared long enough for my brain to call out ‘Bingo! Look in your own age bracket or pay the going rate and keep shopping until you are satisfied with what you rent, the odds are you will never find a 30 or 40 year old loving companion.’ To test my new theories about just how unappealing an ‘old guy’ is to the young lovelies, I set up an experiment. I. Standing up, I shuffled across the flat and sat down on the edge of mybed. There in the mirror, I was forced to look at what I had done. Atear fell against my arm and caused me to look down. The remorse I feltwas heavy, like carrying a great weight upon my chest.Again my eyes were drawn into the mirror. She didn't deserve what I didto her - as much as I didn't deserve what had happened to me! I lay onthe bed crying, between sobs my mind returned to the very moment when my- and her, life changed forever.***My hand fell against my leg and through the fabric of my clothing; Icould feel the round, flat shape of the coin. I chuckled to myself andpatted the spot, "If a coin such as you proclaim to be, really did exist- I wish I could become her!"Looking down, my hand was like when as a child where you hold your handnear your eye and look beyond at something. Your hand appears to betransparent, almost ghostly. I quickly looked up, and then myperspective suddenly changed and I was looking.
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