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I must have cum twa or three times in ilk o’ thaim. Ah gaed hame a gey happy jimmy ‘n’ Pauline haes shored herself tae me sometime in th’ future. Pauline has a very agile fud. I’ll definitely tak’ her up oan that.”“Yes, I had her last night. My balls still ache.”“Urr ye ‘n’ yer freish burd swingers? If so, you must come and stay with us.”“No, we’re not. How should I introduce her to swinging?”“Make certain that your relationship is rock solid then get one of your friends to seduce her. Tell her that you don’t mind if you can have one of HER friends. From there it’s easy. About a quarter of all couples occasionally swing. Thay juist dinnae blether aboot it.”“Mary already allows me to screw her daughter and next door neighbour but I haven’t been with her long enough to know how she’d like it.”“Weel, that’s a guid stairt. Howfur mony men haes she hud?”“Her first was her husband. I was only the second.”“Ney good. When Morry told me she fancied my best man, Alister. I said that I didn’t. "IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!"Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert, shoulda bought a hat."The latest from the BBCMuslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut next month from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.!) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working.
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