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That sounds right.”“It’s not the level of self awareness that we usually see from… new arrivals.”“Interesting. Let’s table that for a moment though,” I say, “and get back to the thing you said about ‘feeling like this is the mainland’. What does that mean?”Xandra looks at me, and pauses. When she speaks, it’s obvious that she is choosing her words carefully. “It’s just… when I look toward the horizon, I can just feel that these islands are the only land in this ocean. I can’t explain it any better than that.”“...Fascinating. Well, what else can you tell me? Why do you not expect self awareness?” I ask her. My skin is charging with that mysterious buzz again. “What am I feeling right now?”“Well, we don’t know what makes us all feel so… energetic. It’s something about this place, as far as we know, but we can’t gather anything more than observational evidence on the subject.”“As for self awareness,” Emily says, “that is also observational. Most people never seem to fully come out of. I’m whacking off about five times a day, which is a shy higher than last month. It’s gotten to the point where my wiener is so red and raw by now that it actually hurts to do it. That’s the disease, I guess. We do it even though we’re hurting ourselves—and believe me, I’ve tried not to do it, but damnit, I’m always chasing that feeling, and it happens for only a minute—right when I come over the same old magazine that I’ve had for months now, and I’ve gotten so sick and tired of staring at the same women in the mag, but y’know what? That’s just my disease talking, and if I don’t change, I just think it’s going to fall off, just drop off like putty in my hands, and I really don’t want to see that happen. But right now it’s so raw and sore that I can hardly even walk, and I don’t know, I just want this insanity to stop, because there has to be some other way. But I don’t have any money, and it’s just awful how I’m living. I need a change—like a trip to Miami Beach or something..
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