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"Rumor has it that Donald's father saw Donald's partially bald scalp and laughed hysterically, even saying that the fuzz on Donald's ass was longer than the hair on Donald's head."Fuzz groaned in defeat and let go of Jeff. "You guys suck."That set off Jeff into even bigger gales of laughter. The melee had drawn many stares and even a nervous look from a teacher or two."The problem with the rumor about his dad's comment is that Donald denies it happened and Jeff was the only witness." Cassie laughed at that, a melodious sound akin to the soft tinkling of a bell. I smiled and finished off the story. "Jeff took to calling Donald 'Fuzzy' in an attempt to be a general pain in the ass. The pair compromised and agreed on the nickname 'Fuzz', which now even Donald prefers to his own given name."Jeff finally had control of his emotions. "It's good that he prefers it since it goes better with his last name." Now Jeff started giggling.Cassie looked at me expectantly, so I explained. "His last. In the absence of KY and Vaseline, he had reached for Bertoluccian inspiration, grabbing a stick of butter from a saucer between their half-eaten croissants and rolling Inez over the way Brando’s ‘Paul’ ravaged Schneider’s ‘Jeanne’ on a polished hardwood floor in a seedy Paris edifice. Although Inez was never impressed by Method acting, she inflated Antoine’s head when she expressed — once her anus had recovered — that ‘you deserve a Golden Globe.’ He recalled countering her quip with, ‘Don’tchu mean ‘Golden Globes,’ honey?’ Glowing across the table from him, she seemed to be reminiscing too, until she remarked, ‘Mmmm, this is some dayum delish lobster! Check out all the sweet meat in this claw, right?’ ‘Sweetie, I love to see you so happy. And with your mouth full.’ Then he tasted a forkful of linguine from his enticing lobster entrée. ‘So you got jokes, hunh,’ she replied, trying to laugh. Her face was beginning to turn as red as the lobster shell she was clutching. ‘No, no. Don’t.
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