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Moreover, when he committed our troops, he did so only after thorough preparation and planning. This attitude sorely vexed the patience of the British and the French, who were anxious for the American troops to take on their share of the combat. But Pershing’s patient approach paid off that summer, as American troops took more of a decisive role in blunting the waves of the German onslaught, and it was Pershing — based on my analysis — who pinpointed the places where the Germans were vulnerable to counterattack. And in late July, we took the offensive, and as expected, the Germans began to crumble. A little over four months later, the German Kaiser had been forced from his throne and the war was over. I finally returned to Paris for good in early September, and I was actually somewhat at loose ends. Ambassador Sharp hadn’t found a new assignment for me yet, so I was given a lot of time to spend with my family. Truthfully, I needed the rest. I had received one four-day furlough to. One guy dressed as apirate even comically flipped up his eye patch to get a better look atme; I almost expected him to say "awooga" as steam shot out of his ears.The unceasing, pervasive attention was simultaneously terrifying andexhilarating, a dichotomy distantly removed from anything I had everexperienced as a guy. I felt objectified but desirable, a diva but also apiece of meat. It was quite confusing, but if I was being honest withmyself, I kind of liked it.The closer we got to the bar, the denser the crowd became, and every timesomeone jostled my tail I would yelp as the vibrations traveled down itslength and into my sensitive little rosebud. I briefly considered goingto the bathroom to take it out, but realized that without it, there wouldbe a very obvious opening in my costume directly over my asshole: tooobscene even by Halloween standards. I was eventually forced to gingerlyhold my tail in front of me like some kind of security blanket. On theplus side, it was so.
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