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I’ll give you twenty-five bucks each to buy presents for each other. If you want a tree, well you can hike up the mountain and cut one. But I ain’t buyin’ any presents and I don’t wanna see one under that tree with my name on it, ya hear! I mean it! If you try to sneak one in on me, it’s goin’ right back to the store for a refund.”“Alright, alright!” Lynn snapped. “Have it your way, sourpuss! But I don’t see why you get so bent out of shape over the biggest holiday of the year.”“Yeah,” Adam jumped in, “What happened? You get a piece of coal in your sock when you were little or somethin’? You’re as bad as Scrooge.”Aaron put his fork down and sat back in his chair. “Look, this argument comes up every year, so how many times do I have to say it? I don’t believe in God and I don’t believe in Santa Clause. I’ve never seen a Christmas go by in this family that wasn’t punctuated by booze, drunks and hard feelings about somebody gettin’ somethin’ better than the other person. As far as I can. "He does that to all of us almost every night," Ann interjected."When he thinks we've had enough, he does something. We have this tremendous orgasm that just goes on and on until we pass out," Melissa said, leaning forward, her eyes sparkling.Diana sat frowning. "So you're saying that you can't join us? Or are you saying it's a twofer?" A twofer?" Joyce started, then "Oh, yeah. I guess that's what I mean. I mean I can't leave Caitlin. We just can't be separated. We promised each other. So I guess I need to leave. I mean, I really did like what Jeff did to me, and I feel so close to all of you for some reason, but I think it would be best..."Jeff walked into the bedroom, obviously having been listening. "No," he said, then again, "No. Please forgive me for eavesdropping, but I started to walk in just as you were telling where you and Caitlin lived. I didn't want to interrupt, so I just waited. I have, uh ... excellent hearing," he again understated, "and I couldn't help but hear what.
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