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Everything is so familiar, the smell of fresh clothes, the couches, the little messy clutters everywhere, oatmeal bowls left from when he got home from work still sitting on the coffee table, empty water bottles. He is lying in his usual position on the couch, facing the TV, but for some reason I don’t sit in my usual spot. I chose to sit by his feet, he instinctively lifts his legs and puts them back down on my lap as I sit. They are heavy, but the weight of them is comforting. I place my hands on his legs, one on his shin and the other on his thigh, my favorite place to touch. Well, almost. We haven’t yet spoken. We sit there in silence, and even though I am staring at the TV I have no idea what I am watching. I just keep thinking about how good it feels to be back here. I feel like I am home again. ‘Hey, you!’ I hear him say and it scares me out of my own little world. I look at him with a huge smile on my face, I just cant help it, I know that there is nowhere in the world that I. He tried to focus on his own breathing, trying to stop the barrage of thoughts that were all trying to intrude on his brain. How would hw tell her? When? What would he say? What if she was angry, or disgusted with him? Could he handle that? What if she didn’t want to talk to him again? What would they tell Bill and Maggie? What was making her so edgy lately? Had she already met someone else? Was she in love, was that it? Shit. Shit. Fuck! The thought felt like a fishhook in his gut, pulling up through his throat. Pain shot through him at the idea of her kissing someone else, of her loving someone else and him being the one who got to hold her, to tell her he loves her…what if he took her from him, some guy from a thousand miles away who asked her to come and live with him and she went and… FUCK!! Kit slammed a fist into the mattress beside him and sat up, breathing harder than before. He needed to stop thinking about it, he couldn’t do anything about it right now, with Lena.
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