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The first was when we were living together but not yet married. She was about 40 at the time and was visiting her daughter who is married to a black man in another city over Christmas. I didn't go because I had to work over the holidays. She happened to mention while she was there her son-in-laws younger brother spent the night also. I knew they only had a one bedroom apartment and they both had to have slept in the living room. I suspected he might have fucked her but didn't say anything. Shortly afterward she found out she was pregnant, since we both had our k**s raised we didn't want to start a second family so she got an abortion. Wish we would have kept it now even though it probably would have been black. Later when we were visiting her daughter and family her son-in-law made the comment that his little brother was always asking about her. I cornered him privately later and asked him if he thought his brother had fucked her? I told him I didn't mind she was more woman than I. But it wasn’t enough. Within a month I was bored again. And so when the opportunity presented itself, I jumped again. And again. And again. I had no sense of geography. I had no sense of ethnicity. I had no sense of direction, of purpose, of time. I wandered and sampled and observed and wandered. I swapped and ate and hunted and fucked and swapped.At some point — decades? centuries? — after I first left home, I actually became homesick. I tried to find my way back to my tribe in the hill country. But it was hopeless. Which tribe? Which hill country? It’s even possible that I found my home and didn’t realize it. There was no one in any of the tribes that I knew; no one in any of the tribes that remembered a “Deetga”, a “Selka”, an “Eevan”, a “Navya”, a “Jovan”.You’ve heard it said that “you can’t go home”? Try living several lifetimes away and then try to go home. You literally can’t.So I gave up. I resumed my wandering with a vengeance. I crossed deserts, jungles, and endless savanna..
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