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If there were patterns to be seen, none of the sources I could findrevealed much. The only positive link was envy - more often than notthe filthy masochistic attraction to something vulgar but enticing.A man might become the stripper he gapes at night after night,wondering how it would feel to be so tawdry.A duchess might become the immigrant maid who struggles on hands andknees to clean the filthy tiles under the toilet; the maid whose lifeis so perfectly simple.An abused child might become its violent alcoholic father, meting outbrutal punishment just as he did, as those instincts became its own.And I might become a trashy illiterate prostitute, selling my cheapbody to big hairy men whose social skills can't get them gratificationelsewhere.The Golden Gloom chose it subjects, latched onto their secret enviesand transformed all reality around them, thrusting them into this newlife they had lusted after completely, blanketing their own thoughtsand feelings with those of their target.I. My mother was asleep when I left, Mrs. had had a good dose of brandy and water, and I knew she would sleep well enough. I went to my room excited by the continual trying it on with Susan; Mrs. had given her a glass of brandy and water, “to keep the cold out”, as she said, and she went to her room. I listened, heard her moving about longer than I expected. I had come up some minutes before to deceive all, and was shivering in my night-shirt. I thought how unfair it was to her sister who was in the family way by me, of the risk I ran with my mother in the house; but a standing prick stifles all conscience. I crossed the landing, opened her door, shut it rapidly, and there I was in the room with her, both of us in our night-dresses. She was doing up her hair as I entered, she wore a night-cap.“I wont’ let you come in here.” “Hush! mother will hear you”, said I. Her voice dropped to a whining, “Pray go, I shall loose my character, if any one sup-poses anything of this; it’s very hard on.
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