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I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he’s only got one arm bless him.I shouted - “Where you off to Charlie?”He said, “I’m off to change a light bulb.”“That’s gonna be a bit awkward init?”“Not really.” he said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.”Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring.So, at least I got home OK.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.“German,” she replies.“Occupation?”“No, just here for a few days.”As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from insidescreams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus. But if she knew I was observing her, I doubt she would have been so casual in her demeanor. I watched through her living room window as Carmen swayed to the beat emanating from her stereo. I loved watching her hips move back and forth, the muscles flexing in her thighs and buttocks, the dimples above her ass. Her back was muscular and lean. I could just barely make out the shadowed, smooth lips of her puffy sex. She set her cup atop the stereo, ran her hands up her torso as she turned in profile to me. My heart began pounding faster, my cock growing as I watched Carmen cup her firm breasts. Her face looked stoic, I wondered if she was indulging in self-gratification only to satisfy her libido, and not because she really wanted to. But no . . . there was that sly smile. Carmen slowly pinched and rolled her nipples, pulling them out, watching them get erect and dark. She made a little game of it, pulling them as far as she could, giggling when they snapped back. Her areolas began to.
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