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I want to scream, “Why not? Then I rationalize things and tell myself, I understand. Until the next day, then I miss you once more and start crying again. Damn-it, I wanted you to be my love, the only man in my life, forever.However, deep down I know that we will never have that kind of love. I also know that part of my feelings stem from what I did not find with Bryan. I know these are rebound feelings that I am having. Although, we may thing it real love. It is not the kind of love that takes time to develop and mature. Still, I wake up in the middle of the night crying and screaming, "Why can't it be?"Douglas, how do I move on? When, I am too scared to let myself go and find out? I guess time will heal all wounds. I will always wonder why when it comes to you. So always, be my friend and hold me close to your heart. I wish you were holding me and making love to me! I miss you terribly! I think I will always love you! I hope we can get together soon. Will meeting you make me cry. "My mother followed this exchange with a smile. I wondered what she would say if she new of the hidden agenda that was contained within it. From her response it was obvious that Lucy did. I smiled to myself and decided that maybe the punishment would be that I should not punish her on the grounds that she seemed to like it too much. I could also put my mind to other ways of punishing her without resort to physical means.When we were seated mother rang the bell and servants arrived with tea, coffee and a selection of sandwiches scones and cakes."I assumed that since you have arrived this late that you ate on the way here," she told us.I reassured her that we had, but that we were ready for the refreshments that she had prepared. As we partook of these, my mum asked about Lucy's estate back home. Lucy was quite candid with her."It has been in my family for centuries" she told her. "I think the first Lord Smythe obtained it from Charles the Second after helping him escape from Cromwell.
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