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" What sort of pictures are you planning to do?" Brock asked."Nothing risqué," Meredith said. "I plan to wear a sundress. We'll do the pictures in a market place that Emmy told me about. It will take about three hours." And you just planned to lie to me about where you were going and what you were doing?" Brock asked."No!" Meredith said. "I was going to tell you that I was going to a market that Emmy knew about. Randi and Erika were going with me. I doubted you'd want to go. Fine, it wasn't a good idea. I just wanted to surprise you when it went up on the web site. That's all this is for. It's just something for them to use online. If I get into the Top 10, we'll use the January shoot for it. I didn't think it was a big deal." Just like you didn't think today was a big deal," Brock said tiredly. "I've always said you're your own person and I wouldn't make decisions for you. I don't plan to start. But Meredith, you have to let me know these things. Can we at least agree on that?" I. Being able to experience myself from both sides of the looking glass makes me feel whole. Both maleness and femaleness though not as dissimilar as many may want to believe each role in gender offers their own individual treasures. This whole weekend has been most liberating. You have given me the gift of myself. And during this time, I have experienced finally letting go of this sad sense of always missing out on experiences that I believe were meant and destined to be for me, regardless of my birth sex. I clearly know that without acknowledgement or expression of my feminine aspects I feel I deny myself who and what I am as a total being. Denial of myself of my essence never feels healthy. This generous gift of yours has been I blessing. It has been so liberating being Andrea. I feel released and I feel so very happy."I could see that she was taking this all in, listening as if how we would live our lives together depended on understanding and integration of my special.
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