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“Bobby!”“Hey, Jake. Where are you? It’s a great day to be out on the course. Fancy a game?”“I’d love to, Bob, but it’ll be a bit difficult.”“Why? Where are you? There’s a hell of an echo.”“I’m on the London Eye.”“What? Why?”“Fancied a day in London. Hey, Bobby, you’ll never guess who I met on the train.”“Who?”“Do you remember that brunette in Ladz a couple of weeks ago that looked a bit like Buffy the Vampire Slayer?”“I think so. Nice tits, if I remember. But then, don’t they always?”“Sure. Well, she opposite me on the way up here.”“You’re joking? You sure it was her?”“Positive. I knew I’d seen her before, but couldn’t place her. So I asked her when we got in. She told me who she was and we swapped numbers.”“No way! She gave you her number?”“Yeah. It was weird. I expected her to tell me Fuck off. Or slap me and tell me Fuck off. But no.”“Mate, I bet you’ve been fake-numbered.”“Been what now?”“Fake-numbered. I bet she gave you a fake number to get rid of you.”“Do people do that?”“All. As predicted, one of the shadier attorneys from Valdosta showed up to represent Coach Bull. He was accompanied by two Brooklyn-accented ‘gentlemen’ who loomed ominously in the background. Judge Rule denied bail ‘while the sheriff finishes collecting evidence, see me next Friday.’When Penny Hawkins was found hanging from her showerhead, an apparent suicide, the ex-coach’s insistent demands for release suddenly ceased.Bob White endured both the grand jury hearings and the Coroner’s inquest. One of the jurors opined that Bob had no business with an automatic rifle and should be charged with something. Her neighbor elbowed her and said, “Well, bless your little heart May Bell Calhoun. Y’all know good ‘n well that dog won’t hunt. Leave it be, or I’ll slap y’all into next week.” There was general agreement with that sentiment, and it was agreed that justifiable homicide occurred during the commission of a felony. Bob was congratulated on rendering a public service.One fully automatic M-14.
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