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Over the next few days I settled back into my normal routine. I foundmyself getting paranoid about my breasts growing, and spent ages everymorning standing in front of my bedroom mirror examining them to see ifthey were getting bigger or felt heavier. I had also started wearingmore makeup. It was not something I wanted to do as I hated putting iton and checking it throughout the day, but I really didn't want to riskthe wrath of Mrs Harris.I dressed pretty much as I had been doing, the only change I made wasthat before our meeting I would often wear jeans or pants with flatshoes or sneakers when doing the housework when Allen was at work. Ihad bizarrely thought of wearing flats or sneakers as a bit of a treat,giving my feet a break from the uncomfortable high heels, but now I didnot dare risk it, and had starting wearing skirts and dresses alongwith high heels. It felt pointless and ridiculous as often I wouldn'tsee anyone throughout the day, but nevertheless I wore them anyway,mincing. Between the horrible dreams, the boredom, and being muddle headed from the drugs, I was not much fun to be around. Jules didn't let me do anything strenuous, which became a constant source of irritation. When I was ugly to her, she treated me as harshly as I deserved. I'm sad to say I snapped at one point and said some very hurtful things. Being a true friend, she ignored it and never brought it up again. I did eventually apologize, but all she did was give me a smile and a kiss.There was a beautiful memorial service for Kendra the following weekend. It was just after I was allowed out again. Jules wanted to go with me, and John came to provide moral support. It was the first time I'd been in a church since my father's funeral. I was asked by her mother to say something, but couldn't bring myself to do it. I learned so much more about her life. It seemed to help me rather than hurt more.Jules forced me to go see Dr. Valverde that second week like she promised. I had never been to see.
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