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I have to admit that I was impressed. Cynthia used words I wasn't sure she even knew the definition of. Lord knew she displayed more passion during her diatribe than during the few times I had gotten her pants off of her. When she finally flounced out of my car, slamming the door and yelling that she never wanted to see me again, I was glad to be rid of the theatrics.When I finally got home I went to lie on my bed and think about things. Look, I knew that I'd been attracted to Lizzie for years. But being attracted in silence and kissing the object of your attraction were two entirely different things. When I was still a horny 14 year old I had decided that if I ever had the opportunity to screw Lizzie, I was going to do it. No regrets. No backing out. No questioning it. As an admittedly still horny 17 year old, I had different thoughts. Would I still like to screw Lizzie? Abso-fucking-lutely. Just give me a week alone with her and several boxes of condoms and I might - MIGHT - calm. I feel the contented sense of belonging that I imagine a dog must feel, following so closely its master’s every cue, spoken and unspoken, that there is never a moment’s indecision, never a gap in which you must make a choice, in which you must decide what to do next. These decisions have already been made for you. You only have to follow them unthinkingly, as if your body were a puppet dancing in a show where you, too, are part of the audience. You are being directed from above. You are part of something larger than yourself, a will stronger, more resolute and decisive than your own. You aren't responsible for what you do, no matter how depraved or disgusting. This is the deeper, more satisfying significance of bondage; the ropes and chains, the gags and blindfolds are only the outward symbols of a paradoxical liberation.It’s a relief before its an ecstasy to surrender.I hear cabinets and drawers being pulled open. Closets yanked open and closed. I wonder, is Master really looking.
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