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Fear of rejection. Looking back, I’d have to say that’s one of my few regrets in life.” “That’s awfully sweet!” she replied, leaning across the table and planting a kiss on my lips. “Does that make it any better?” Speechless for a moment, I stammered, “ Yes….well …actually…no. By the time I got up enough nerve to ask you out again, Jack Hammell had you. I can’t help but wonder what might have been.” “Me, too. You were such a gentleman. Are you up for a do-over?” she smiled across the table. “I can’t give you my virginity. Jack took that, and none too gently, I might add, but I think we might be able to overlook that technicality.” “After dinner, why don’t you and I blow this pop-stand.” I said. “Sounds like a good plan to me. But I was thinking of blowing something else.” She winked and smiled. This was turning out to be a much better reunion than I ever imagined. We spent some time going from table to table, seeking out old friends and catching up. We danced. We ate. After dinner,. "This is my first time in a gay bar. I'm not trying tobe offensive." It's okay, man. We all had to come in for the first time."He looked at me. He nodded. "I'm guessing you've been here lots oftimes." Yeah. I've been here enough I could vote."He laughed softly. "I'll bet you do okay. You're a nice looking guy." Thank you. You, too." So what's the problem? And... what was your name?" I'm Alan," he said. "You?" Rusty. Russ, to some people." Hi Russ. I'm just ... struggling a little." With being gay?" Oh, I'm not gay," he said. "I mean, I don't think I'm gay. I've neverbeen with a man."I was disappointed. "So why are you here with the beautiful people?" It's...it's my wife," he said."That'll drive a man into the arms of another man."He swallowed hard. He nodded."Can I tell you something, Russ?" he said. "I don't know why I should,but I have to tell somebody." Tell me. I have a good ear."He smiled a crooked smile. He shook his head. Then he half-turned towardme."Russ ... I'm wearing.
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