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Nether-the-less it was specialbecause it was with my husband. He was so pleased andproud that he had at last managed to give me an orgasmbut a little voice at the back of my mind wondered ifIan’s rape had contributed something to this. I knew if John ever found out about Ian raping me thatwould be the conclusion he would draw and it was onemore reason why I could never tell him about Ian’sattacks. Neither was there any possible way I could goto the police without John finding out. I wasn’tphysically strong enough to fight Ian off. I beganworking out every day at the gym to try and build musclebut Ian was taller and heavier than I and it wasunlikely I’d ever be able to win against him. I casually suggested to my husband that I should starttaking self defense lessons of some kind. He wasn’topposed to the idea until we went to look at some of theclubs. They all seemed to be in rough areas and moregeared towards teaching people to injure each otherrather. I refuted any suggestions of a sexualmotive, refused any questions about my past or whether I was pre or postoperative transsexual. I said I hoped Simon would sue for libel.The press left. I went up and removed my makeup, then we two went to theMaison Beauvonne. It was a mad house of models in every state ofundress, hairdressers and makeup artists and dressers and designers.There were some curious stares at me. La Poulette came over and kissedme on both cheeks, wishing me bon chance.My makeup was done by Adrienne. I found it quite arousing. Then my hairwas given the full treatment, curled at the bottom, crimped as my motherwould have said, like Jean Harlow. The show started at 2 pm as scheduledand I was dressed ready. I was tenth on the runway. When I appearedthere was a burst of applause which I assumed was for the dress, but itreached a crescendo as I twirled and posed before exiting the stage."They are sympathetic," said La Poulette, "that is why they applaudyou." I was already.
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