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"Ben moved his gaze to the circled ad and read it; then he looked up at her."I thought we agreed not to try this; it's too risky."She nodded slowly."I know, but the more I read it, the more I thought it might be worth a try. Notice how this couple stresses discretion, no last names, the use of newspaper box numbers..."Ben read it again, then shook his head slowly."Sounds like they're just as afraid of what might happen as we are. But they're only looking for a Negress; what makes you think they'll go for a couple?"Sue shrugged."It's worth a try. We could write them and outline what we're looking for. It says they want a bisexual colored girl. We agreed that we both wanted to try everything; maybe they'll go for us as a couple."Ben read it again more slowly."I don't know, honey..."Sue had already been mulling it over in her mind for a good four hours, and she was already convinced to give it a spin."It can't hurt to write them a letter."Ben nodded slowly, his features betraying his. I realized I wasn’t worthy so long as I kept thinking of women as something to conquer, fuck, and dispose of. That was like the greatest epiphany I’d ever had in my life. I was sobbing at that point. I really did want to be loved. I want to be a lover, too. I confessed all that to them.“They kept getting in my face. I realized this was like a miniature boot camp experience. They’d broken me down and were starting to rebuild me. They told me how I was supposed to behave in the office, how I was supposed to think about each of the women I met, what I was supposed to dream about at night, and even what kind of porn I could watch when I jerked off. They went through every part of my life in detail – the actions, my responses, my emotions, my thoughts, my habits, my compulsions, and my desires.“I was a basket case. They loaded me back in the car and we drove to McDonalds, got lunch, and went back to the office to really eat. I could barely eat. Nikky sat with me the rest of the afternoon.
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