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As I rocked her I stated to hum "Erev ShelShoshaneem," "Evening of the Roses," an Israeli love song that has asoothing melody.I must have hummed that song a dozen times. She eventually fell asleep.With the help of her father and mother I put her in her stroller. Theparents thanked me and I started to walk away. There were tears in myeyes. They were flowing by the time I sat down at my chair. A few of theother women whom I am closer to came over to me and asked me what waswrong."This is the first time I held a child this small in decades." You miss that," Esther explained.I nodded my head and blew my nose. "It hurts, but there is more. A babythat small or a woman pregnant hurts."Miriam, who is beginning to show, gave a gasp and held her hand to hermouth. I held her hand."I am still happy for you. My pain and jealousy is usually under control,but please understand that because I am a transwoman I have never nor willever experience the joys of giving birth."That brought Deborah. The argument got quite vocal for a short time. I named several instances when she hadn't told me the truth and she tried to gloss them over as meaningless. She didn't see any harm in telling me what she call "fibs" as the need arose. I disagreed strongly. In the end, I made sure she understood we were done and she left, angry that I had broken up with her for what she thought was no good reason."Hi, Georgette, it's John." Oh, Hi John. Are we still okay for Saturday?" Yes ... absolutely. I just thought you would want to know what happened with Ginny." Yes ... I am interested." I guess to make a long story short, she didn't see anything wrong with lying to me and couldn't understand why I would be upset. I think she was putting on an act to keep from having to admit she'd done something wrong. I'd hate to think what would happen to some guy who married her and then found out about her personal values." You're better off without that, John. I know for a fact you can do better." We'll.
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